Authenticity is not what you think it is

It is one of the most talked-about words in the wellness, spirituality and self-development world. Authenticity!. But: I believe that the concept – as circulated – might be keeping you stuck and small!

For quite some time, influencers and creators have been floating the idea that authenticity is the holy grail to success and happiness: “Just be yourself and success will be yours!”  But, especially many of those that promote it, invoke just the opposite opposite – you end up feeling inferior. 

The official definition of authenticity: Authenticity is the quality of being genuine, real, or true to oneself, rather than a copy or a performance. It involves aligning actions with inner values, beliefs, and character, often requiring self-awareness and the courage to act honestly in relationships and life. It implies reliability and legitimacy.

So, yes, as you can see, authenticity is of paramount importance if you want to lead a happy and fulfilling life – and I truly appreciate the discussion and the prevalence of authenticity in the main social sphere. Now, where do problems arise? Where do I feel the discussion has been led astray and thus leaves you stuck?

Many influencers and creators are taunting authenticity, but the feeling you are left with is negative. You feel inferior and have no idea actually how to show up. Why is that? Because exactly those perfectly styled and made-up influencers do not look like you or me. Without make-up, without the filters, without the personal trainer and stylist you are not as perfect as they are – seemingly without effort. And, of course, there is a severe bias here: These influencers represent a teeny tiny fraction of the human population in terms of beauty and lifestyle – because they got to where they are simply because they fit the current beauty standard – and on top of that each shot and video is highly curated. They are literally spending their whole day editing and selecting the best shots. We as human beings are wired for easy – that is what our whole evolutionary development was targeted on: How can we make life easier without less strain and with more output, meaning food, shelter and security? That is why we are looking towards those seemingly authentic perfect influencers that want to sell you the idea that it is easy and simple – just be authentic and you will be just like me. It’s the equivalent to the clean girl look in the beauty bubble peddled by 20year olds. Implying that you are somehow flawed if you are not perfect and blemish-free right out of bed. Truth bomb: No, we aren’t. Especially adult grown women do not look like this – and that is okay. But, somehow, we feel we are not enough, our authenticity is not enough because ours does not look like the one we see online. Being authentic should not imply the pressure to be perfect without help – the concept is here to help you become the person you are meant to be. 

On the other hand of the spectrum I see many people on social that show up just as their flawed selfs, not perfect, not styled, not faked. Yet, many of them still have the wrong notion of being authentic and purport. And that is something along the lines of “You don’t have to change”, “just be who you are RIGHT NOW”. And that might actually be even more detrimental for some. Those that feel uneasy when seeing beautiful people, successful people, when comparing themselves to their peers. They might be overwhelmed, low-key jealous, unsure or lost what to do. The call to just be authentic, to just be who they ARE, which implies the present, might keep them stuck. And, put to extremes, this type of authenticity might even celebrate negative choices and circumstances. But being authentic is neither an invitation nor a celebration to showcase all your shortcomings. Being authentic is also not an excuse for despicable behaviour. And, above all, being authentic is never an acceptable explanation for laziness and a “This is just who I am”-type of attitude, giving up on trying to evolve. I am guilty of this, I have done this. I had no idea who to be, what to do because I was so very different from everybody else – in real life and on TV (because when I was younger, there was no social media!). So, I tried to find peace and authenticity in who I was in that very moment. 

But, being authentic  – more than anything else – is showing up as the person that you are meant to be in the world. By definition “being authentic” is not copying anybody else, it is embracing and embodying who you truly are. And that’s the turning point – the “truly”. Who are you truly? That is not necessarily who you are RIGHT NOW, it might not even be a version of you that you currently recognise. But, let’s get back to the definition from the dictionary. 

Aligning actions with values and beliefs 

This is deep. Values and beliefs are deep – by definition.  What are your values and beliefs? Do you even know this? This involves everything the much-taunted “limiting beliefs” that are everywhere on the internet, but also your beliefs about life, power, spirit, why we are here, why you are here, and what your role in this lifetime is. 

Requiring self-awareness

This is more than being mindful. This is about “who have you come to be”? How are you acting in alignment with it? How are you sabotaging yourself? As many of you know, I have introduced astrology and human design to my life and work throughout the last year, which has helped me more than anything ever before with regards to self-awareness. Because these are tools that look different for each individual. Even though you might be hesitant to use them because you are afraid of the woo-woo, try them – just for fun. Because these are the fast-tracks to get you thinking, to get you to self-awareness, to really face issues in twelve separate areas of your life and beyond. I don’t know of any other tools that will reveal so much about you and to you than those two. But, of course, you can use any tool you want to become more self-aware. But, truly, self-awareness is key – and, unfortunately, many these days are anything, but self-aware. When I think of my astrology and human design journey, for example, I got self-aware about money issues that I was not able to lock in on with any of the other tools and mindset shifts and manifestation courses. I was able to actually understand why I had made some of the choices that.I made in my life and why I felt like I was stuck. I also got clear on what my purpose in this lifetime is. And yes, I throw around the dread ever-present word purpose. Because, truly, this is what these tools are for. To see what you were made for. 

Courage to act honestly in relationships and life

Yes, authenticity comes with courage. It demands courage. It’s about standing up for your beliefs and values. That is true authenticity. Authenticity is NOT lying on the couch watching Netflix and not participating in life. It is also not complying with all the rules that society gives you. It is about shaping your life and the lives of those around you with the right standards and values that you apply. 

Reliability and legitimacy

This means that this comes from something that lasts. It is not a trend, not a current mood, but something that is here to stay, that is inherent in who you are. Everything that you say or do needs this and implies this. And, again, I find the reliability and legitimacy in my Human design and astrology charts. It’s there. I don’t have to believe it, but they actually show me clearly what I feel deep down anyway. And it’s this reliability of this chart is going to be there for my whole life, with the changes that are happening throughout a lifetime – and even these changes are predictable. This is legitimacy on a whole other level. This is legitimacy and authenticity by sheer existence.

What is being authentic?

To me, being authentic means to embrace your story so far, but to equally embrace who you are meant to be, your desires, your needs, your dreams and how you are built to show up in this world. It is about owning that. It is about not backing down from it. A drag queen owning the place with her flamboyance and vivaciousness because she can dress any which way she likes is more authentic than waking up, not doing hair and make-up and trying to fit into a corporate role that is making you sick – you already know this. 

The drag queen is so much more authentic than the lazy person that rolls around in victimhood bemoaning that everybody failed them, that refuses to own their own story and decide on how and where it is supposed to go from here onwards. 

Being authentic is embracing all that you are – the idiosyncrasies, the oppositions, the parts that might be irritable to yourself and others and integrate them – not to flaunt them. But to see why they are showing up, why something is off and to integrate it into one cohesive story that shows you your way. It is about creating a masterpiece of a life with all the different bits and pieces, traits and quirks that you are. And then become the person that lives this truly remarkably unique life. To me, this is being authentic. 

So, authenticity truly shows yourself the way. It is owning your path, signing up for a path, facing the demons like every hero on their journey. This is raw and unfiltered and unwavering authenticity. 

It is about celebrating your innate desires, because they were given to you for a reason. It is about cherishing the hurdles and obstacles, the “not being perfect” and doing it anyway. Because all of these will get you where you are supposed to go and be. It is about becoming human in the sense of loving the experience and everybody else who chose to have it at the same time that you have. It is about bringing to form who you were meant to be. 

It doesn’t have to be flashy or performative. It simply needs to be the real you – everything that makes you you!